REMEMBERANCE

12 long moons have i sat here by the fire
less than many, long them others
i rejoice at the friends i have found
the experiences i have had
long is the path that brought me here
to where i sit above the fire.

long i fell down the spiral
long i hoped for an end
the pain too much
i accepted my fate
i teetered on the edge
then a voice called to me
i felt a warm caress
i mistook her for another
one who would lead me
take me to the After

she whispered in my ear
Pistis Sophia she called herself
sweet words she spoke
sweet songs she sang
songs of life
of experience
of existance
but i must turn from my path
oh! the price i must pay!
but i accepted her challenge
i answered her song
oh, the price! the toll, my soul...
my salvation now in the hands
of the god Plutonium.

Long had i denied what must be
but now i must embrace it
time a luxury i had little of
except through a long needle
the medicine of life, but death of the spirit...
willingly i now pierce my veins
my scars are many
such is the price i pay.

a long time i sat
another voice i hear!
but not the voice of the singer
i find myself in a nest
a hatchling, a child
Raven looks down on me
my new mother, my teacher
Raven spoke to me
told me the new path i would walk
a cold path
a lonely path
a path i would embrace
i rejoiced, for i had found my way!
and i asked Raven,
"Will this path lead to God?"
but Raven said,
"There is no God"
and i was troubled.
Raven whispered in my ear
told me secrets, taught me tricks
and i asked Raven,
"Is this the path of magick?"
but Raven answered,
"There is no magick"
and i was astonished
but soon i was forced from the nest
to make my own way
long i cried
my song a lament

much time passed before
i saw the wisdom in Raven's words
i saw for the first time into the hearts
of those around me,
and knew his words to be true
i had been drawn back from
the caress of the After
my soul shattered
my body broken
neither could be as they were before
with my own broken hands
i pieced together my soul
with my faith and wisdom
i hold my body together
that i may walk
among the skins
among the hollow men
still i seek the After
but despair no longer drives me
demons held at bay
gnosis the key to the lock
eternity the prize
where once i was astonished...

---

for many moons have i sat by the fire
many are the experiences i have had
many more i hope to live

my travels taking me to the hot desert
the sun, hot, purifying
a crucible for the soul
i wandered long, unsure
what is it i seek here?

i sat and thought on this
i sat until much time had passed
then before me i heard a slithering
a Snake coiled in front of me
at first i was afraid
but Snake did not attack

so i asked of Snake,
"Were you sent by Raven?
sent to teach me?"
and Snake said to me,
"Who is Raven that he
would summon me?"
i was distressed at this
and so i asked of Snake,
"Why is it you have come to me?"
and Snake said nothing.

i became irritated with Snake
my patience drew thin
and i demanded of Snake,
"Will you not teach me?
tell me of that which i wish to know?"
and Snake coiled and rose up,
and whispered to me,
"He who seeks will find.
yet, what you have asked me about
in former times,
and which i did not tell you then,
now i do desire to tell,
but you do not inquire after it."

his words struck me like a fist
and my frustration knew no bounds
i wailed against the sky
and cursed the ground
and when i was done,
my rage past
i saw that Snake had left me
and my heart grew sad
both at his absense,
and at my own actions

i searched my heart
and knew these words to be true,
"Those who know do not talk,
those who talk do not know"
with great sadness i left the desert
i left the crucible of the soul
my spirit humbled
my arrogance vanquished

---

even as i roamed the land of plenty
my lips were parched
i wandered through the lands of the skins
of the hollow men
my faith stretched to it's limits
experience, which leads to understanding
difficult to find
so i journeyed again into the wilderness
the forests my aim
many were the streams i crossed,
but still i was thirsty
often i felt a presence
following me
yet guiding me
but i ignored it,
hoping it would leave me in peace
but it did not,
and i journeyed on, alone

as i stopped one day,
to drink from a stream
to try and ease my thirst
i felt it again, he who follows
again i feared it was she who would take me to the After
that i had failed in my journey
that i reeked of the lacking
but it was not she
my eyes beheld Jaguar,
cold and calculating
silent and guarded

he turned and walked from me
and i was unsure if i was to follow
but he stopped and turned
his eyes beckoning me
ever silent
follow him i did
deep into the forest
i did not fear the darkness
i knew Jaguar would lead me true
not once did he speak
so intent was he on the journey
but soon he stopped
and i drew up next to him
and asked,
"Jaguar, will you help me on my path?"
his silence spoke more than i could imagine
we sat until much time had passed,
and finally he broke his silence
Jaguar spoke to me, saying,
"Cursed will you be, if i consume you,
and i become you.
But blessed will i be if i become you,
when consumed by you."
his words troubled me
for i understood them not
but i reflected on them
until much time had passed.
and soon his words took on new meaning
with every breath he took as he spoke
my chest rose and fell
every word that issued from his mouth
i whispered in tune
and i knew them to be my own

where Raven had nurtured me
weaned me for my travels
where Snake had taught me humility
tempered my arrogance
to seek, to hunt was the realm of Jaguar
who better to guide me?

so i took Jaguar into me
and we became as one
my body broken,
held together through faith
my spirit shattered,
pieced together with my own hands
through Jaguar would i hunt
where once i could not
while Raven is ever present,
he is ever distant
i knew that Jaguar would never leave my side
so long as i remained at his
he would walk at my left hand
even as Raven flies as my right

---

coming down the mountain
my journey far from over
only just begun
but my path laid out before me

begun so long ago
going up the mountain
so many did i follow
so many followed behind
we all followed the same path
we all had the same heart
the same dream

as i come down the mountain
with new eyes i see the world
some i journeyed with
i see along a different path
my heart sad
my brothers in soul
if not in blood
our numbers thin
our strength lessened

is it i who have changed?
chosen a path apart from the whole?
do i seek that which is lacking?

as i came down the mountain
i heard a voice
one i had not heard in so very long
my heart was glad to hear her
again i heard her song
songs of life
of experience
of existance
and i rejoiced!
my faith was strong
i followed the path set before me so long ago
my actions and thoughts not in vain
i felt renewed
even as i felt loss
a part of my heart left behind
left to walk a different path

if lines have been drawn
then so be it
some may say,
"Come and play, come and play!"
but i cannot
i will not
i will not forget my name
a Raven who sits on a fence
in the midst of battle
may get shot...
wise words i will follow

like a knife in my heart
i feel the loss of my brothers
but we must each walk
as our hearts tell us
no less do i offer
no more do i ask

coming down the mountain
my journey just begun!